Sunday, November 5, 2017

2 Years Ago....A Look Back

On November 1st, 2015, my life changed forever. And I'm not exaggerating. It was a Sunday night and it was quiet. The kids were all snug in their beds, Todd was in his office and I was laying on the couch in my living room pondering a few things.
Let's rewind a little bit. Back to June of the same year. The LDS church released a series of essays about specific church doctrines to help dispell any myths and help it's members understand the history of the church. It was in one of those essays that I learned Joseph Smith had practiced polygamy. Say what you will....I was not taught that in Sunday School. I knew Brigham Young had many wives, but not Joseph Smith. As far as I was concerned, he and Emma were a happily married monogamous couple. Nothing I was taught depicted otherwise. But in reality, Emma did not support the practice of polygamy and it caused her much distress and heartache.  You can read the essay here if you'd like.

I reached out to a friend I hadn't spoken to in several years and she pointed me to a podcast called The Year of Polygamy. I highly suggest looking it up. Lindsay Hansen Park does a fabulous job relaying journal entries from the wives of Joseph Smith. Some of the information is factual, some speculative....But you cannot deny the facts. So many of these women were heartbroken. And some conceded to marriages because of threats that Joseph would be killed if they would not. So, down the rabbit hole I went. I was extremely nervous to bring up the subject with Todd. My heart would race and I legitimately thought that if I voiced any doubts that he would be upset and our marriage might end. But one night I got brave. I brought up the podcast and we searched wikipedia articles. He even listened to a couple of episodes with me. I'm grateful that my nervousness faded fast. We were introduced to an online community of questioning Mormons and those who had left the faith. It was the support group I needed. I wasn't the only one experiencing these doubts AND I was normal! The judgments I held against friends and family who left the church quickly faded from reasons like being offended and wanting to sin, to nothing of the sort! If I was supposed to feel the spirit when things were right and true and good, this feeling was far from it. What I was learning was not right or good. So, that's where my shelf began to shake. Because of learning about Joseph Smith's marriages.

On November 1st, 2015, my life changed forever. And I'm not exaggerating. I had learned about a document called the CES Letter about 6 months prior but didn't have a strong desire to read it. I still believed in the core principals of the church. I was inactive, but I was fine. I was a believer.
On this night, I decided to read it. It is an 84 page letter written by Jeremy Runnells to an unnamed CES Director. In it, he lays out many questions he has regarding church doctrine, hoping to get answers to them. By page 32, I made the decision that I no longer believed in the core principals of the LDS church. I went into Todd's office and was distraught. He asked if I was ok. I said no and started sobbing. My heart had been ripped out of my chest and it was hard to breath. I couldn't believe what was happening in my life. What was real? What was true? What would my parents say? I couldn't read any more that night and finished the rest the next day. I just couldn't believe that I didn't know these things and felt so much anger towards the church. And, in true Sarah fashion, I did not hide my anger very well. Facebook became by venting ground. I offended many people I love and I have since apologized. It was all so new and raw and I handled it poorly. Regardless, what I was reading were true facts! Here's the kicker....November 5th 2015 the infamous exclusion policy was released. Oh wonderful.... kick me while I'm down. My heartache spread from my heart throughout my entire body... aching for my friends and their children. 4 days after my life turned upside down and now this. I was depressed. We had already planned a trip to Vegas with a couple of friends and I drank. I drank enough to be sick. It was perfect timing. Letting go for a couple of days and not being judged for it. I don't regret it.

On an evening in October of 2016, we had a visit from the youth doing a service project. The encounter was less than pleasant. I was friendly and accepting of their service, but the leaders were rude and I felt like a number and not a person. I was a service project and I hated that. As soon as they left I decided to resign my membership. Todd and the kids are still on the records.

It's been a ride filled with every single emotion. It hasn't been easy. This year has been the worst. But I won't apologize for the good things that have come out of it. I am accepting of everyone. I love more and I am not as afraid to be myself and show myself. So, for all of you out there who accept me for me...Thank you. ❤

Monday, October 3, 2011

Happy Fall (sort of)

Okay, so I can't believe it's been OVER a year since I've blogged! I'm hoping to change that. We'll see. :) Last night the boys and I made pumpkin rice krispy treats that I'd found on Pinterest. They didn't turn out AS cute, but the boys were excited to make them and they turned out cute enough. Here are some pictures of my first ever experience making rice krispy treats!

Josh getting a turn to stir

And Bradley's turn

Putting on the tootsie roll stems. :)

The green icing was so hard to squeeze out, so Todd just did the first row. They're not as orange as they're supposed to be, but I kinda like how they turned out....with specks of red, yellow and white. And they were delicious!!
P.S. This is what they're supposed to look like. Lol!

Monday, April 25, 2011

Family Pictures

Click the link to view our family pictures. I don't know how we're gonna choose!!!

The password is: williamson_032011

Monday, December 6, 2010

Welcome to the Williamsons!

I made this today (during naptime). When else am I going to be able to do things like this, huh? I call this my "All Year 'Round Wreath". It's simple and I like it! This was my inspiration.
I feel like it needs a little something else to make it complete, but I just can't put my finger on it. Any suggestions are welcome. ;)

Monday, November 15, 2010

Quick Stats

Bradley's 1 year Stats:

Weight- 22.6 (50%)
Length- 29.5 (50%)
Head Circ.- 45 1/2 cm (50%)

This is mainly for my records. That's all! :)

Thursday, November 11, 2010

Happy 1st Birthday Bradley!!!

Ladies and Gentlemen. We have a birthday boy in the house! Bradley turned 1 today! I'm going to say it again (for the thousandth time). TIME FLIES! We've been having lots of fun, so I guess that's what happens! He is the most amazing baby. The thing I love most about Bradley is that he's always smiling. He charms everyone who meets him. I'm so lucky to be his Mom. :)

I can't believe I'm 1!!!

My brothers got me this cool truck. Thanks bros!

This light up wand is from my cousins Ryan, Jack, Kyle, Ally, and Cole.

This is Bradley's cousin Cole. Cole is 6 days older than Bradley. When they were both newborns, it was hard to tell them apart. :)

Grandma and Bradley. Bradley, I don't know how to say this delicately, but I'm not sure you should've had that cupcake.....

The PERFECT picture of my ANGEL! I was so excited for him to wear this shirt and hat I made. Didn't they turn out so cute??!!

Hurry Mom!! I want my pumpkin surprise cupcake NOW! (They were delish!!)

Diving in head first

I'm about to get very messy in a minute!

Oh yeahhhh!

Taking the whole thing all at once!

The decor. Emily, thanks for taking time out of your day to help me with this! You're the best!

The after party. The clothes are in the washer. :)

As for Bradley's 1 year stats, I won't know until Monday. Here are a few of the things Bradley is doing at 1 year old:

-Says "bye bye" and "night, night"
-Says "uh oh" "guys!" and "boys!"
-Todd and I practice his walking and he's ALMOST there. He cruises around on his Eeyore bike and his walker.
-He has 8 teeth and maybe more on the way. He's been a little cranky around night time lately.

Happy Birthday Bradley! You are mommy's angel baby. I love you so much!!

Backyard Fun!

Our winter grass FINALLY grew in all the way and the boys are now allowed to play in the yard. Man, it was torture for them to have to play on the patio for 2 weeks! It didn't make my life easy either. :)

I love this picture. I love the look on Tyler's face. He sincerely loves his baby brother. He was having so much fun that night doing under-dog with Bradley's swing.

Josh was a super hero flying on his swing. He was having a blast!